Misadventures at Work II: Out of Work
by Fade to Osaka
Summary: After losing their jobs at Magnetron Burger, Chiyo and the Bonkura's set out to find new jobs. But can these crazy girls hold a job? It'll be a story of pigtailed proportions!
1. She Bought the Farm

Out of Work

Chapter 1: She Bought the Farm

A/N: The wait is over, my sexy new fic is out! My day-late Christmas present to everyone.

Kudos to Hallwings for suggesting the job in this chapter.

This should probably be rated M, especially for a scene involving Chiyo and two cows (don't worry, it's not a weird hentai-like situation.) But hey, if it was M, it wouldn't be seen without searching.

Oh, I mention an informative film from England called "Appaches." I thought it was funny as hell, even though it scared a lot of people. It's on Youtube if anyone wants to see it.

I meant to finish this earlier, but Super Mario Galaxy is addicting. I was in my room all day playing it.

Now, on with the show.

888

We now join our heroes on a strange planet, in which Japanese people speak English, teachers drive insane cars, and a young kid is in High School.

Tomo: Hey, do you mind, we are trying to find new jobs?

Kagura: Yeah, put a cork in it.

Chiyo: Please be more kind, I'm sure this narrator is friendly!

Kagura: Quiet, Chiyo-Chan!

(Kagura grabs the Narrator and drags him to the door)

But I'm just an honest fanfiction writer trying to make a living!

Tomo: Well you should've thought about that before you paired Sakaki and Osaka up! And you even made them have a kid! What the hell?

But it makes sense! And their child deserves love! She's real, seriously! I think I have a picture of her in my wallet somewhere!

Osaka: I have a daughter?

Kagura: (Throws the Narrator out of the room) All right, now we can go back to looking for jobs!

MISADVENTURES AT WORK II: OUT OF WORK

It was a dark and stormy night... Well actually it was a foggy day, but that's not that point.

Chiyo, Kagura, Tomo and Osaka were looking for jobs in the local newspaper.

"AHMAGAWD!" Osaka exclaimed, "A SATA ANDAGI CHEF!"

"Osaka-San, that only pays 400 yen an hour." Chiyo said.

"But it's Sata Andagi..." Osaka was very disappointed.

"Hey, what about this?" Kagura asked, "Independent Cheerleading Squad. It should be fun and easy!"

"Look at the fine print." Chiyo pointed out.

The tiny text in the corner was barely readable, but it said OWNED BY THE KIMURA FAMILY.

"... Wow, I can't believe I suggested that." Kagura said.

"Hey look! Hitmen/women!" Tomo yelled.

Everyone ignored Tomo.

"Look at this." Chiyo said, pointing to a square.

The ad read FARMERS ASSISTANT.

"The pay looks pretty good." Tomo said.

"We'd get to be outside all day." Kagura said, a tiny bit excited.

"I could watch to see if the cows get abducted by aliens." Osaka mused.

"And we'd get to be around cute farm animals all day!" Chiyo exclaimed.

"Let's do it!" They all said in unison.

The next day, they walked to the farm a few miles away.

They were greeted by an American man in Overalls and a straw hat. He had a few teeth missing and he was carrying a pitchfork.

"Hello girls!" The Farmer said in a very bad accent. "I'm Farmer John! Are you here for the job?"

"Yes sir." The Azugirls said.

"What experience do you have in farming and animal care?" John asked.

"I have a garden at home, and I take care of my pet." Chiyo said.

"I think I let my dog outside once." Tomo said, wondering if that statement was actually true.

"Nothing, really." Kagura truthfully told.

"I harvested some sorrow once." Osaka said, developing a dark look in her eyes.

John pointed to Chiyo. "I like that you seem responsible." He spit out some tobacco.

"You," He said, gesturing toward Kagura, "Are honest. I like that in a worker."

"You remind me of my grandad." He said to Osaka. "Wise beyond your years. Than again, he was old, so he was REALLY wise, but I still like you."

Chiyo, Tomo, and Kagura twitched.

"You three are hired."

John frowned at Tomo. "... I just don't like you."

Tomo's bottom lip began to tremble and she burst out into tears. "WHEN I GET HOME, I'M GOING TO CUT MYSELF TO SEE HOW MUCH I BLEED!"

Tomo fell on the ground and began rolling in a puddle of her own tears. "I HATE MYSELF! I'M GOING TO WRTIE SOME ANGSTY FANFICTION PROLOGUING A CHEERY CHARACTER'S SUICIDE!"

"She seriously will, sir. I would hire her if I were you." Kagura said.

"Alright, fine, but when you screw up, you're out."

Tomo jumped up while squeeling. "I love you!"

"Oh, you love older men? Well I have this friend, his name's Kimura. Would you like to meet him?" John asked obliviously.

All the girls took off running at the mention of Kimura. "See you tomorrow!" The Azu-Girls yelled in unison.

The next day, the four girls were walking to the farm in boots and tough clothing.

"Operation Ground and Pound commencing!" Tomo yelled while pumping a fist in the air.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Kagura asked her fellow Bonkura.

"It's... the codename I've given this mission." Tomo said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Mission?" Chiyo asked.

"Tomo, how high are you right now?" Kagura asked in a surprisingly serious tone.

"... Just a little." Tomo said, looking away in shame.

"Can I have some Tomo?" Osaka asked out of the blue.

"No! It's all mine!" Tomo greedily covered her coat pockets.

"Drugs are bad!" Chiyo said, waving her arms at her friends.

"Good girl, Chiyo-Chan." Kagura said, ruffling Chiyo's hair.

They soon arrived at the farm. They were greeted by John waving his hat toward them.

"Howdy, girls!" The Stereotypical Farmer greeted.

"How-day!" Osaka responded.

"Good morning, Sir." Chiyo said, bowing.

The other two girls just nodded.

"Right now I have a job for each of you," John began.

"First," John said while gesturing to Osaka, "I need you to spread manure across the fields."

"No problem. I'm quite a big fan of manure." Osaka responded, getting some weird looks.

"You," John looked to Tomo, "We have not been getting enough rain recently, I need to you to water all the crops in that field." He gestured a a large field to the right, which made Tomo groan.

"You look like a strong girl." John said to Kagura. "I want you to move some farm equipment from the other side of the farm to the shed, which is to your left."

"Leave it to me!" Kagura said.

"Last but not least, I need someone to watch two cows mate and make sure they don't stop before they are good and done. I'm leaving this up to you, little lady." John said to Chiyo. The Bonkura's got grim looks on their faces.

"What do you mean by mate?" Chiyo asked.

"You'll see." John said, chewing on a weed he just picked out of the ground. "Go into the barn, they will be there. Now everyone, go to your designated jobs. I will check on you in two hours, I need to go run some errands."

Everyone went to their respective jobs, having no idea what they would be in for.

777 (AKA Transition)

Tomo angrilly walked from one plant to the other with a small wattering bucket. "I liked working at Magnetron better."

Tomo spotted what seemed to be a godsend.

By the farmers house was a power hose used to wash the house.

"Hehehe, an ace in the hole." Tomo said, sneaking over to the large hose. She turned on the water to full blast. She began to push down on the trigger.

With great force, the water shot out of the large hose. Tomo was thrown back into the house and created a large hole. The hose, meanwhile continued running.

The hose demolished every single crop in short time. It then spun out of control and began shooting large holes in the grass, creating holes. It shot across the property. Gods tend to call this incident 'The Rage of Poseidon.'

Tomo stood up and shook off. She looked at the hole. "I can pay for that." She witnessed the carnage it created outside.

"Oh... shit."

777

Osaka was having a fun time. She had spread quite a bit manure already, ignoring the smell.

She got to thinking, which was not a good sign.

"Ya know... This helps things grow. The farmer has a pretty small shed, and I'm sure he wants a bigger one. Making the boss happy may result in a promotion... Osaka, you're a genius! Thank you! You're welcome!" Osaka had a conversation with herself for a few moments before heading toward the shed. She opened a new bag and took a large handful.

She began throwing handful after handful at the house. "Heheh. Bossman is gonna love me for this."

777

Kagura was doing fine. She was lifting the tools with ease... That is, until she got to a large piece of equipment.

Kagura attempted to lift this large foreign object, but to no avail. "Hmm, there must be some way to lift this thing..."

Kagura then spotted a tractor. At first she thought it was a good idea, but she remembered something.

"Wait, think of that film they showed us in school... 'Apaches...' I couldn't understand it because I'm not very good at English, but I got the message. Fooling around with farm equipment will kill you in stupid ways. But then again, I'm not some idiot kid playing in a place where all my friends died."

Kagura persuaded herself to use it. She hooked the object to the tractor and jumped into the front seat.

"Good job, John, leaving some keys in a tractor." Kagura laughed to herself and turned the keys. However, she did not realize there was a brick on the gas pedal.

The tractor began quickly moving as soon as the gas was turned on. "What the-"

Kagura was shocked by the sudden fast movements. She tried to grab a hold of the wheel, but the tractor hit a bump and Kagura was sent flying out. Luckilly, she landed on some hay.

"I am the luckiest perso-" Kagura stopped talking when she heard a large splash, followed by silence.

The tractor has fell into a nearby pond.

The next words said by Kagura are censored, for they are so evil, even Satan cringed upon hearing them.

777

Chiyo walked into the barn, humming a happy tune. She saw the two cows locked up in seperate cages.

"Alright, so I'll unlock them, and they'll start 'mating.'" Chiyo said.

She pulled out some keys John gave and unlocked the two cages. She walked to the sidelines. She wondered why they didn't do anything.

"Oh! John said too give them this thing!" Chiyo pulled something out of her pocket. "What was it called? An afro... afrodis... I can't remember, but he said it will start it off."

Chiyo threw the object in between the two cows. The two animals got hearts in their eyes.

"Aww, how cute. Wait, what are they doing?"

Chiyo was suddenly witnessing the vile act of two cows doing the nasty.

Chiyo's screams could not be heard over the sounds of the cows.

"What is he doing with the- Ahh! What's coming out of his... OH MY GOD!" Chiyo tried to get out, but the door was jammed.

"Someone kill me!" All of Chiyo's innocence was shattered at that moment.

777

Tomo was frantically running around the field. Suddenly a thought came to her.

"What if I dried the land? Than it would be hardly noticeable!" Tomo was obviously even stupider when she was afraid.

777

"I am the smartest person I know. Eat your heart out, Chiyo-Chan." Osaka mused. She looked at the dirty building.

"I should probably continue spreading it on the farm now..."

777

Kagura, unlike Tomo, did not get a stupid solution to get her out of this mess.

"Maybe I should move to Antarctica and change my name... Maybe I can change it to... Arugak? No, that's stupid."

Kagura continued to fret. This was not turning out to be a good day.

777

The cows were finally done. Chiyo was hiding in a corner. Life now seemed worthless to her.

777

Tomo was currently blowing a wireless blowdryer onto the crops.

"Damn it, this isn't working!

777

John arrived back at the farm. He stepped out of his car, humming a simple tune.

"I wonder how my new employees did. They seemed like they would- Holy shit!"

John looked in horror at the carnage creted by the Bronkura's, who were now approaching him. Chiyo, however, was nowhere to be found.

"Did I do good, Bossman?" Osaka asked.

The other two girls looked down in shame.

"I'm gonna resist killing ya'll. Just get off my ranch, you good for nothing's! Wait, where's the younger one?"

Chiyo walked out of the barn and toward John.

"So, did the two cows fu-"

"Yes they did.

"I need you to give the female a pregnancy test now, if you don't mind."

"I wish death to you. Good day, sir." She kicked John in the shin and began walking home, followed by her friends.

"Note to self, never hire high school girls again." John said.

777

"Chiyo-Chan, what happened?" Kagura asked.

"We shall never speak of farms again." Chiyo said.

"Well, back to the drawing board." Tomo said.

888

Poor Chiyo! Please review, it will make this all worthwhile. Seriously, when I don't get reviews, it sucks the life out of me. More well-known authors get a bunch of reviews for a 500 word story, and I only get two or three for a 1500 word story. It makes me so sad.


	2. Depot comes Home

Chapter 2: Depot Comes Home

A/N: Wow, I finished this a week after I intended.

888

Chiyo was lying in her bed, eyes wide open. It was about midnight, but she couldn't sleep. The horror she witnessed, the act of two cows 'mating' would not leave her mind anytime soon.

Her cell phone rang and she picked it up without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?" She asked.

"Cow!" The voice on the other side yelled.

"Tomo? I don't want to talk!" Chiyo said.

"Hamburger is made out of cows! I just visited Glasgow, Scotland! Yomi is a cow! You watched two cows-"

"Tomo, if you say cow one more time, I will come to your house and light you on fire. I will then watch as you run around like a chicken with it's head cut off. Good night." And with that, Chiyo hung up.

"Aww, I want my old Chiyo back!" Tomo yelled, staring at the phone. She started to cry. So she got out of her bed and went to her computer and opened Microsoft Word.

"HAMTARO KILLS HIMSELF, by Tomo Takino!" Tomo typed. In a matter of moments, she had a story of a cheerful character killing itself.

"That's always a good way to deal with problems! Now I'll submit it to Fanfiction dot net!" Tomo did so and went to bed.

The next morning, Tomo woke up and checked her e-mail. "Wow! I got a lot of reviews!"

Most of the reviews said "You suck!", "Go die!", or "This shit has gotten fifteen reviews when my novel length story only got 4? I hate you!".

Tomo began to cry, so she wrote another angsty fanfiction, submitted it, got bad reviews, and the cycle continued.

The gods say that this could've been a never ending loop which, one day, would discover the meaning of life. But this cycle was interrupted by Kagura bringing Osaka and Chiyo over to Tomo's to look for another job.

There was only one ad in the paper.

"Hey look, Home Depot!" Kagura exclaimed. "I love the way that place smells!"

"It has nothing to do with the c word." Chiyo said.

"What C word?" Osaka asked. "Cun-"

"No!" Chiyo had to stop Osaka's language. "The other one!"

"Oh! Cow!" Tomo said.

"I hate you."

"Love ya too, Chiyosuke!"

So it was decided, on that day, the fate of the Azugirls was determined. They were to work at Home Depot. And the narrator would continue talking funny.

The job interview went quickly. Tomo almost ended it when she mentioned all that happened on the farm, but Kagura just said the wildcat forgot her medication earlier. Overall, the manager liked the girls and said they could start working the next day.

THE NEXT DAY (What a creative transition. I deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for it.)

The four girls were walking to Home Depot in their newly bought vests. They would be starting out small, helping with customer service.

They arrived at the large store. All they had to do was walk around and help customers

Almost as soon as they walked in, Tomo yelled "Ooh! What's that?"

This could not be a good sign.

"Tomo, that's a chainshaw, it's- hey! Put it down, stupid!" Kagura yelled. She was smart enough not to try to wrestle it away.

Tomo pulled the handle and it started. "Whoa! This is cool!" She soon lost control of it.

Tomo screamed and threw the chainsaw. It flew out the window and cut someone's car door off. Said person collapsed to his knees, screaming "Why does god hate me?"

"Just walk away." Kagura said.

"Excuse me! Employees!" A voice piqued. The Azugirls turned to see an old lady waving them over.

"How may we help you? Do you need your drain unclogged?" Osaka asked, getting strange looks from everyone.

"No, no! I need help getting this lawnmower down from the shelf." The Little Old Lady said.

"Oh, I can-" Kagura began, but was rudely cut off by Tomo.

"I'm your gal!" Tomo said, giving the lady a thumbs up. She reached toward the lawnmower and grabbed a hold of it.

Kagura looked concerned. "Tomo be caref- Holy hell!" Tomo was distracted by a colorful butterfly and dropped the lawnmower... On the old woman.

"Tell my grandkids... I hate them..." The elderly woman passed out.

"Crap! We have to dispose of the evidence!" Tomo yelled, pulling out a switchblade.

"What the? Tomo, put that thing back!" Chiyo yelled.

"Why don't you just go watch cow porn?" Tomo mocked, making Chiyo shiver.

"Ya know, I saw that once..." Osaka blankly said.

Kagura took the blade away from Tomo. She then lifted the lawnmower off the lady and pushed it into Tomo's shin, causing a very loud yelp.

"Well, at least she's still breathing." Osaka said, looking at the unconscious woman.

"We need to call an ambulance right away!" Chiyo said.

"No, we need to call a co-" Tomo was cut off by Kagura's hand. "Stop it, that's not funny anymore."

Tomo pushed the elderly woman under a cart. "There, problem solved." The other three girls' foreheads became blue.

"Tomo, when you were a baby, did you fall on your head like I did?" Osaka asked.

"... Once or twice." Tomo admitted.

"That explains so much." Chiyo said.

"What'd you say, punk?" Tomo asked, grabbing Chiyo by her shirt collar.

"Oh, nothing. I just said you were a harlot." Chiyo said, sitcking her tongue out.

Tomo looked puzzled for a moment. She left the store and ran across the street. She bought a dictionary and came back. She looked up 'harlot.' "... Hey!"

Chiyo and Kagura laughed. Osaka on the other hand, was daydreaming about melon-flavored Sata Andagi.

"Pure bliss..." Osaka said, with her eyes closed.

Work continued without any incidents for a while. After an hour of normality, the manager called Tomo over to him.

"Miss Takino, usually I wouldn't ask this of a new employee, but we are low on workers today. Will you help move this tractor outside for our customer?" Tha manager beckoned.

"Sure thing, chief!" Tomo said. She got behind the tractor and tried to push it.

The manager sweatdropped. "I meant drive it outside."

"Oh... Well that's even better!" Tomo hopped onto the piece of machinery, turned a key and pushed down the gas pedal. "You can count on me, chief!"

'Chief?' The manager thought.

Tomo was about to drive by the customer's truck, but she had a thought. "You know, this is pretty fun. I think I'll take it for a spin around the city... Just to check if it's safe!"

And with that said, Tomo drove onto the freeway and drove the tractor for miles.

The customer watched this scene with wide eyes. These eyes twitched and the customer simply got into his truck and drove away. Far away.

Meanwhile, the remaining employees were helping customers without Takino-esque distractions.

Kagura's attention was being directed toward a woman who just entered the store. She made her way to the newcomer.

"Sakaki?" Kagura asked.

"Oh... Hello Kagura-San. What are you doing here?"

"I work here now!" Kagura said.

An uneasy silence followed. After some staring, Kagura broke strangely awkward moment.

"Hey, you wanna race?" The Athlete asked her 'rival.'

"I think it's dangerous in this store. There are a lot of power tools and-"

"Don't be a killjoy! First one to the other end wins! Ready? Go!"

Kagura took off sprinting while Sakaki stared at her, sweatdropping. "Did she and Tomo switch bodies?" She then proceeded to get the gardening supplies she came in for.

Kagura hadn't even noticed the lack of an oppenent and dashed along. She knocked over many tools, machines, doohickey's, and whatchamacallits. It seemed like Kagura was a tornado, and Home Depot was the debris.

Meanwhile, Chiyo and Osaka were still doing their work. But this, of course, was interrupted.

Osaka spotted a freezer. "Ah mah gawd! Applied Chryogenics! Great Scott, I must use it!"

"Osaka-San, please... Not today." Chiyo pleaded.

"Chiyo-Chan, this is serious business! If I freeze myself, I will be able to meet up with intellectuals from the future! I might even meet an alien!"

Chiyo began to get a migrane. "Osaka-San... You know what? Not today. A couple days ago, I watched two cows go at it, I'm already under enough stress. I'll see you when you get cold, Ayumu."

"...Who's Ayumu?" Osaka asked. Chiyo sweatdropped and walked away.

Osaka opened up the freezer door and got into it. "...Sure is cold in here."

Chiyo appeared to be the only girl who would not get fired today. But this is the world of teenage jobs, where things don't last forever.

The Manager approached Chiyo, holding a cardboard clown. "Mihama-San, I regret to inform you that I have found a chart with height regulations." Tha Manager pointed to thh clown, which was holding it's hand out. It had a word bubble that said "YOU MUST BE THIS TALL TO RIDE," but ride was crossed out and replaced with 'work.'

"Sadly, you do not reach this requirement. You are dismissed." The Manager left.

Chiyo sighed and made her way to the door. "Where are the others?"

777

Kagura had finished running. She looked behind her and witnessed what she had caused. It was then when the Manager approached her.

"Hello, Kagura-San. How is wo-" The Manager noticed the carnage.

"Umm... It was a... moose." Kagura said with shifty eyes.

"Was this moose named Kagura?" The Manager inquired.

"... Yes."

"Goodbye, Kagura-San. Not only are you fired, but you are banned from the store for vandalism. Good day."

"... Bastard."

"I heard that!"

Kagura ran to the exit to avoid anymore trouble.

777

Tomo hauled a steaming piece of machinery back to Home Depot. This was, apparently, the tractor. Tomo got into what she called a minor accident.

Tomo attatched a note that said "MY BAD." On the bottom of the note it said "PS, I quit. Now you can't fire me! Hahahaha. By the way, do I still get the employees discount?"

Tomo left the tractor by the door. As soon as she left, it exploded.

777

The three dismissed Azu-Girls returned home. They were not suited for this line of work.

What happened to Osaka, you ask? The details of history have been fragmented over the years, but the legends go like this:

The two elders of the Kasuga household returned home with their new freezer from Home Depot.

Taro Kasuga sighed in relif. "Now we can replace that loud freezer that has been plaguing us over the years. Hey, wait a minute, where's Ayumu-Chan?"

His wife shrugged. "Last I heard she was working at Home Depot with her friends. But I didn't see her there when we bought the freezer."

The freezer door swung open and Osaka got out. She yawned and stretched. She looked at her parents.

"... All the people of the Year 3000 look like my parents?"

The Kasuga elders exchanged looks.

Osaka looked around. "And all homes look like mine? Weird..."

888

A/N: Nope, I didn't reach my target date. Oh well.


End file.
